To find purpose
by Maela210
Summary: Continuation of "Why am I here?". Yue centered, 1st person. Contains Yaoi (non-explicit). Pairing: Toya x Yukito, Toya X Yue. I'd suggest reading "Why am i here?" first, but it isn't necessarily a requirement to understand this one. Rated K plus, because it is yaoi. Mentions of Yukito/Toya


**Part 2**

( **Hello everyone! :D**

 **This story is a continuation of "Why am I here?". I strongly recommend reading part 1, before you read this part (though you may be able to reach them separately).**

 **Don't worry. Part 1 isn't NEARLY as long as this one is xD**

 **"Why am I here?" was originally intended to be a one-shot, but I have had a few readers write me, asking for a continuation, so this is as much for them, as for everyone else who may read it (^_^)**

 **Please review! As a writer, feedback on my stories is what keep me going, in order to improve! :)**

 **Alright then, without further delay. ENJOY! :)** )

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I do not struggle. His hold is firm, but gentle. I close my eyes and draws in his scent, his warmth, his presence. It clears my mind further, as I lose myself in this moment.

For too long have I desired something like this, thinking it would never be mine. That it was meant for Yukito, and Yukito alone. And yet now, he offers me this blessing. How can I remain distanced in such a case?

He pulls back slightly. I open my eyes, though I do not look at him, and I can sense that he is smiling. Then he moves, so that only one of his arms are around my waist as he lifts his head and looks at the stars. "They sure look beautiful from up here" he says softly. I nod. "You know" he then adds and though I do not look at him, I listen intently. "I don't feel like you're fighting me on this".

How am I supposed to respond to that? I shake my head faintly, feeling his eyes on me. "Is it because of Yuki?" he asks and adds "because if that IS the case, then you don't have to accept me doing this to you, if you don't want it. Just because Yuki loves me, doesn't mean you have to as well".

I flinch. "Toya, no!" I think to myself "I do love you, so much! Please!". But outwardly, I attempt to remain my usual, cold self, even as I don't move away from his hold around my waist. "That is not the reason" I reply, "I simply do not see why I should fight you on something like this".

Again, he smiles. I can feel it. "Well, that's good" he responds, "I'd be pretty sad if you DID fight me, I think". I can feel my cheeks becoming warmer and I know that I am blushing, despite my attempts at reigning in my emotions.

For a while, there is silence between us. Another gust of wind blows across the roof, making my hair and cloth move with it. I inhale a deep breath of the fresh night air. After a little longer, I slowly raise my head and hesitantly glances at him, as he stands beside me, arm still comfortingly resting around my waist.

"It's funny" he says quietly "I knew that Yukito wasn't human from the very first time I saw him in my class.

At first, I thought he was a ghost, but then when everyone else could see him and speak to him, I realized that wasn't the case. I was pretty broken back then… But Yukito became a light to me. His presence is what finally got me over Kaho".

He silences briefly, and I sigh quietly. Once again, he is talking about my false form. I do not speak, only allow him to continue in his own time, if he feels like it. At least I am with him, under the stars that I so cherish.

"I didn't think I could get over Mizuki so fast, but with him, I fell in love within that very first week, though I never mentioned it to him. I was afraid of scaring him away, you see, and then where would I be, without my light?

That we were capable of becoming best friends, was better than nothing, to me, for then at least I got to spend a lot of time with him, both at home and in school.

Of course, I always realized that Sakura too, loved him, but I could not blame her. After all, how could I, with how much he meant to me too?

When I finally understood that he felt the same way, we still couldn't tell eachother. I guess we were both scared.

And then the whole thing with Sakura and the cards happened, and I focused on attempting to protect her, instead of figuring things out with Yuki.

And then I met you".

Again, he pauses. But then he continues.

"I thought I could only love one of you, but after the transfer, when I was certain Yuki would be safe and we finally admitted our feelings towards one another openly, I was surprised to find myself falling for you too".

I freeze. I feel as though my heart stops beating and I forget to breathe. Can this really be happening? Can this be true?! Is Toya confessing his love for me, in this very moment?! Can I possibly be that blessed?!

Suddenly, I feel dizzy and my legs give way beneath me. My weakness is making itself known again, the moment I lose my focus. Toya catches me before I can fall. "Yue!" he exclaims, as he desperately wraps his arms around me, attempting to support me.

I can feel his fear radiating off of him. It has been a long time, since I have last felt him being so scared. And it is my fault. "I'm sorry, Toya" I reply, angry at myself for letting my weakness shine through, even in my voice. But I am helpless to push away from him, knowing that I need to recover a bit before I can stand properly on my own once more.

"Oi, what's wrong?!" he asks "are you alright?!". His question comes from his fear, I know, as it is obvious that I am not. "I… will be" I reply, knowing full well that this may not be the case, if I do not get him to understand my true feelings soon.

He is doubtful. I sense it clearly, even weakened as I am. I glance up at the thin line in the sky, that is the moon, and shivers. He senses it. "Let us get inside" he says, supporting me as we start walking back towards the door to the staircase.

I am worried. What if someone sees us? I have to shield us. Raising a hand weakly in front of me, I utter the words I will need to use. "Illusion, aid me. Make us invisible, to our surroundings" I say and a moment later, I feel the energy leave me, which activates my spell. I groan quietly, holding on to Toya tighter.

He looks at me, but does not speak, as he leads us back to his and Yukitos' new apartment. Opening the door, he leads me inside. As it closes, and locks, behind him, he is already steering me in to their bedroom.

"Here Yue, sit down on the bed" he says, voice shaking slightly in his worry. I do as he bids. In my eyes, he is already Master.

Anxiously, he kneels before me, forcing me to look at him. "What happened?" he asks, "are you?" …

He cannot finish the sentence. I know why. Slowly, I shake my head. "No" I respond, "that which you gave us, is enough to sustain us indefinitely". "Then, why?" he asks, and I swallow, moistening my lips before I reply. "It is only a phase. It will pass. Do not worry, Toya" I say, but it is only a half-truth.

I will need some kind of assistance in this phase, or my words will become a complete lie. But how can I ask for something like that, when he has already given me everything?

I want to run. To hide from his obvious fear and compassion. I reach out for Yukito, intending for a switch, but he is firmly asleep, in our shared soul-room. There will be no running from this. Not this time. I MUST tell him, before…

"Yue… Hey, Yue!". He is calling my name. I look at him, startled that I had been so lost in thought.

"What do you mean, phase? Yue, please. Tell me" he says.

I sigh.

"It is of no concern to you. It concerns only me, and my current master" I reply. "So, Sakura should be told then? Have you spoken to her?" he asks.

This is it. This is when I must act. I steel myself, before I look at him and answer. "Sakura is no longer my Master".

As expected, his immediate reaction is full-blown fear. "What?! Why not?! Did something happen!? Is Sakura alright?!" he exclaims. I calm him as best I can, with my next words.

"Sakura is fine. In fact, she is so good that she doesn't need her Guardians anymore.

Now she has all of the cards, as well as Shaoran, to aid her in our place. She has become far stronger than any of us. Therefore, she is no longer my Master, as my duty as Guardian, has come to an end".

He is relieved. I can see it on him. He sighs quietly. "Well, that's a good thing, right? It means she's going to be fine from now on, doesn't it?" he asks. I nod and once more, lower my head.

He is looking at me. For a long time, he is silent. Then, he finally speaks again. "So, what does this mean for you then, Yue? And for that plush-toy of hers?" he asks. I sigh.

"Kerberos is going to be just fine as well. He is very close to her and doesn't actually need to have a Master" I answer, truthfully.

"Then, what about you?" he asks again. I do not look at him.

"For me… it is a different story. Because of my Moon-powers, and the phases I go through as a result of these, I will always need to have a Master. For me, there must be a purpose for my existence" I reply.

He gasps quietly, startled by my words. "Then, if Sakura is no longer you Master, how will you find a new one? It seems like it's pretty urgent you do so" he says.

"I will not look for one" I reply, "for me, there is only one Master now, though I doubt he will ever accept that".

"But, according to your own words, won't you seize to exist, if you don't have a Master? I don't want that Yue! You must speak with that person, whomever it is, about this. I told you before, I don't ever want neither you, nor Yuki, to disappear" he comments.

I can feel my heart hammering in my chest. "I know" I think to myself "I know that!". That is, after all, why he gave me his magic to begin with, despite how much it costed him.

"Yue…" he repeats my name softly, tenderly, worriedly. I feel a hand being placed on my thigh and I jolt, lifting my head instantly and looking at him. He looks right back at me, with those warm, caring eyes of his. I melt, beneath their gaze.

"Who is he? Do you want me to come with you and help speak to him? Is it someone I know?" he requests.

I swallow heavily. "Oh yes, Toya, you know him very well indeed" I think to myself, even as I say, "you do", stating facts.

"Tell me" he comments, and I am helpless to fight his pleading voice, his worried eyes. "It is… you, Toya" I respond and then I wait…

Just as I expected, his first reaction is disbelief. "Wait, what? Me?" he asks. I nod, rising from the bed and moving across the floor, crossing my arms over my chest as I face him.

"But, how Yue?" he asks again. I sigh softly. I must explain further. There is no going back now.

"When first, I was created, I had no choice in who was my Master. It was Clow, the one who made me. When he sealed Kerberos and I away in the book, my next Master was to be whomever both Kerberos, the Cards and I, judged worthy.

But again, I had no choice in who was chosen as a candidate for this, as that was the Sun-Guardians job.

All I had a saying in, was whether or not whomever it was, was worthy of controlling our powers.

But now, that purpose too, is over. And so, for the first time in my existence, I know have an actual choice in who is to become my Master. And for this, I have decided to follow my heart.

In my heart, since the day that you saved me, and Yukito, by giving us all your powers, you have been the only true Master for me.

But because I promised you I would protect Sakura, and because I knew she still needed help at that time, as well as the fact that she was, theoretically, contracted with me as Mistress, I swore to myself that I would serve her as I would any other Master. And I did.

Now that she no longer needs me though, I am finally released of that oath, and can find my one, true Master. The one for whom I exist. The one who gave me life anew. The one for whom I live and… the one I care most deeply about. My most important person".

He is shocked, that much is obvious. I wonder if he is going to leave us now?

Then he speaks. "Yue… How… how can I be all these things? Why are you saying that you exist, that you live, only for me? I don't want that… I never wanted that. I want you to live for yourself, just like Yukito. I want both of you to be happy. How can I be… your most important person?" he says, then silences.

I frown. Why is he having such a hard time accepting this? Understanding it… Did he not just kiss me, on the roof, earlier? Or was that without meaning. Am I the one in the wrong here?

I cannot look at him. I turn my back to him and spread my wings further, so that I know I am well hidden.

"Yue" he says "why are you doing this? I know you are consciously attempting to hide yourself from me. Why? It makes no sense, with what you just said… Yue, please, look at me".

I cannot. I love him. After what he did on the roof, after what I've said. I don't think I can handle looking at him, if he rejects me now. If it turns out he was just playing with me then, perhaps punishing me, for forcing the transformation on Yukito and leaving Toya alone in their apartment.

The more I think about it, the more likely it seems to be. Yes. That must have been the case. I was being punished.

I sigh, feeling how my weakness is making me shiver. I need to rest soon, but Toya… He is looking at me so intently. I can feel his eyes on my back.

"Yue" he says, voice firm and determined now "look at me".

It's an order. At least, that is what it sounds like to me. And I cannot fight it, when he, of all people, is the one giving it.

Slowly, I turn around and look at him, though my hair is carefully covering most of one side of my face and my arms remain crossed over my chest.

He sighs. Then he steps closer. Now again, he is mere inches away from me. He mirrors my pose with his arms. "So… What does all this mean, Yue? Do you… are you… in love, with me?" he asks.

So direct. I feel myself blush fiercely and curse at my own incompetence at hiding how I feel. It just seems impossible, when it is with him.

Weakly, I nod. Then I totter and have to lean back, so that I may rest against the wall. I glance out the window. Outside, the moon is completely hidden and the stars too, are dimmed over. It seems clouds may be gathering. Perhaps it will rain soon?

"Yue…" he says quietly, exasperatedly. Is he tired of me? I should change back to Yukito. But he is still out cold, so I cannot.

He is moving now, placing his arms on my shoulders. He is leaning in close. "Do you love me?" he whispers in my ear, and I can feel my shivering getting worse. I nod. "Yes" I say in an equally low tone. "Very much".

"Kiss me" he requests. No, it's yet another order. I cannot help but comply.

The kiss I give him is deep, yet reverent. It is passionate, and I attempt to convey to him, all of my love and hopeless affection, through this one gesture.

When we separate again, my heart is racing in my chest and my cheeks are flushed. I feel shy, and pull away a bit, so as not to make him uncomfortable.

He is smiling widely. In fact, it is more like a grin. "I finally get to see some of YOU, moon-angel. I'm glad" he says, and my blush deepens.

After a bit, he continues. "You do realize by now, that I love you just as much as I love Yuki, right?" he asks, uncharacteristically vulnerable and insecure in his tone.

I nod.

"So… this whole Master thing… I want to keep you, and Yuki, by my side as long as possible. Seeing as you require a Master to exist properly, and with what you have told me tonight…

What would I need to do, if it was to… be me? What does it entail?" he asks, shyly, and I see him blushing as well.

I blink rapidly a few times. Can this truly be happening, or am I just imagining things? Has my illusion turned on me?

"You… you are willing to accept this wish?" I ask, and he smiles softly. "First, answer my questions. I need to know more, before I can say yes" he replies, and I nod.

"Of course" I say, "I understand". He is looking at me expectantly. Those eyes. So deep. I love them.

"You would not need to do much. Only say yes, when I ask you. The ritual surrounding the forming of a new contract, would be lead completely by me, up until a certain point. This is only possible because of the gift you so graciously gave me though" I say, beginning my explanation.

"Really? I wouldn't have to do anything?" he asks, and I nod. "Well, you would have to seal the contract of course, but I am certain you can handle it" I reply.

"Even with my limited powers?" he requests. "Yes" I respond, and he raises an eyebrow at me, as though he is finding it hard to believe.

"What about my second question?" he asks, and I nod. "I will tell you" I say, outwardly relatively unaffected and much like my usual self. But inwardly, I am shaking, and my heart is racing.

I feel so weak! I MUST rest, but how can I, when I can't switch with Yukito?!

"As you pretended not to know about anything being amiss whilst Sakura was gathering and changing the cards, I assume you do not know much of what it means being my Master. So, I will explain it all, from the beginning.

First of all, being my Master, means that we are connected. But that part I presume you already guessed, from what you witnessed back then, coupled with my words at the transfer" I say and, not waiting for his answer, I continue.

"We are connected in the way that I will always, no matter the distance between us, be able to sense of you are in danger. This is so that I may come to your aid as fast as possible, as my foremost important duty, is to protect you in any way I possibly can.

On the same time, you may also be capable of at least sensing it, if I am in need of your aid. Clow was capable of this, but Sakura was not. That is why I say may be capable of…

Apart from that, as my Master, naturally you will have power over me and be able to command me to do anything you want. Except harm you. That, I would never do. However, should you order me to die, I will.

In this connection, you could also order me to change between Yukito and myself. Even when Yukito is in control, I will hear you, so if you desire to see me at some point, just say it whilst looking into Yukitos eyes. That is where you may be able to spot me at times.

Aside from that, I will also be capable of merging my power only with you, or something which you own, though it is a risky procedure and one that we should only attempt if everything else fails.

Because if we are fighting something and do this, and you do not win, I will never return, and thus in extension, neither will Yukito".

He looks scared as I say that, but when I briefly pause, his expression turns to steely determination instead.

"That's not ever going to happen. I won't let it" he says, voice stern and I bow my head in appreciation of his feelings. Then I continue once more.

"Most likely, we will never have to fight anything, as Sakura is currently the strongest magic user in the world, and it is highly unlikely that you will ever surpass her in this. As such, any magic threats would be aimed at her, and not us" I say.

"That's not exactly a comfort" he cuts me off, but I ignore it in favor of continuing my explanations. I am weakening by the minute now and I know I will not be able to explain for much longer.

Not if I am to have enough strength to officially bind myself to Toya as well in case it becomes relevant, before the night reaches its end.

"Lastly, I will tell you of these phases of which I spoke earlier. Listen carefully though, as they are an essential part of my existence and thus very important for you to know about, in order to make the decision which is most right, for yourself.

There are two of them. In one of them, I will be at my strongest, in the other at my weakest.

In my strongest period, which is when the full-moon is closest to the Earth doing a year, my power will grow so immensely, that I will be having a very hard time concealing it, as I otherwise usually do, when Yukito is in control.

My magic will leak out and thus become noticeable to anyone with even the faintest hint of magic themselves, in some cases, even to those who have no powers at all.

It is a very dangerous phase, both for me and those around me, especially my Master, and challenges that I may face during this phase, will generally be of a more dangerous character, then is otherwise the case.

Because my magic is so powerful in this phase, it may hurt anyone who comes close to me and every second of this time, I will be fighting to contain myself, so as not to cause such a thing to happen.

Occasionally, it still does though, as was the case with Sakura doing the city quiz tournament, back when she was still gathering the cards.

My power was so great at that point in time, that it caused her to lose consciousness and fall over a cliff, even as I remained in the form of Yukito, injuring both her and him in the process.

In preparation for this phase, which lasts three days in total, Yukito may fall asleep more easily and at unexpected times, or he may lose consciousness altogether.

This is because I will want to be near my Master as much as possible doing the phase, and seeing as Yukitos sub-conscience knows this, it puts him out of the picture for the time being, so that we cannot switch places until the phase passes, in order to make that possible.

Likewise, when I am in my weakest phase. This is when the moon is all but gone from the sky and is the farthest away from Earth in a year. This phase also lasts three days, though the effects of it may make it seem as though it lasts longer, in both ends.

During these three days, my magic will be extremely weak, and despite what you have given to us, I will be incapable of sustaining both Yukito and myself, if I stay asleep in our soul-room.

Thus, Yukitos sob-conscience again makes him fall asleep or lose consciousness, placing him in our soul-room in my place, so that it is easier for me to keep us both alive, because I can conserve my energy somewhat.

In this phase, I will require my Masters' presence for a whole other reason than during the other one.

The presence of my Master will make me more enduring and aid me in keeping both Yukito and I safe. It makes it so that the drain of my powers does not result in anything disastrous to Yukito and I, because I can draw on my Masters' powers, if necessary.

If I stay very close to him, it also makes it so that Yukito may still be in control for a few hours at a time throughout the phase, though after that, his body will once more force him to sleep, in order for me to sustain us both.

And before you say anything. No, my Master does not have to be as strong as Clow or Sakura, for me to do so. He just has to have some amount of magic. Even the smallest one will still aid in easing this time for me, though I usually sleep as much as possible for the duration of it.

When Yukito then awakens again afterwards, he will be extremely hungry, bordering starved, and will need to eat a lot within a brief period of time, for me to recover from the phase faster, so that I may return to protecting my Master as soon as possible.

Thus, this phase is also very dangerous, potentially lethal, if I do not have a Master as it happens, though it this instance, it is only to Yukito and myself.

This phase, is the one I will enter again soonest".

"How soon?" Toya is asking me, and I shiver visibly. "Too soon" I reply. "How much time do you have before it begins?" he asks. "It begins tomorrow" is my answer and he is visibly shocked.

"I risk losing you forever in less than two days?!" he exclaims, and I can feel his heartbeat fasten, even from where I am standing. I nod. It is the truth.

For a moment, nothing happens. Then he clenches his fists at his sides and look me directly in the eyes. His emotional but serious. Mine, undoubtedly, vulnerable and hopeful.

"Are you absolutely certain that my powers will be enough, if I were to become you new Master, Yue?" he asks, voice mimicking the seriousness of his eyes.

"Yes, I am certain Toya. And I am also certain, that your powers will continue to grow in the future as well, so do not worry about not being enough for me" I respond, returning his dark stare.

He sighs, then nods. "Alright then" he says "I am willing to give it a try. There is no way I am going to let you and Yuki just disappear, if I can in any way hinder it.

If you are feeling well enough for it, then please bind us together as soon as possible".

My heart skips a beat. He has agreed to it. I am going to have a new Master within the hour. I nod and step closer to him once more. Closing my eyes, I speak.

"I, Yue, Guardian of the moon, stands here tonight, without a Master. The previous Mistress no longer require my services. In order for me to continue living, I must find another for whom I can exist. This I have.

Toya Kinomoto, standing before me, is this person. In my heart, there will never again be another. It is my desire to bind myself to him, until his life comes to its end, and then to follow him in to the next.

Thus, I now ask him: Will you become my new purpose for existing, for living. Will you accept me as your servant and become my final Master?".

I wait, in silence. I do not look at him, but keeps my eyes respectfully closed, my head lowered. After what feels like an eternity, he speaks.

"Yes" he says. "I accept your wish".

I feel myself melting before him, my heart overflowing with gratefulness. But I do not falter. I place my hands on his shoulders and lean in to him as close as possible, just like I did back when he first gave me his magic.

This time though, I follow that action, by locking our lips in a kiss. This shall be the seal of our contract.

As I do, the magic circle which belongs to Clow, shines brightly beneath us, enveloping us in its light. And then, with a swoosh of magic, its form changes.

The symbols of Clow Reed disappear and is replaced by new symbols.

In the inner part of the circle, the sun is replaced by a full moon. The outer circle now no longer shows a new moon, but a heart, inside which there is a Yin-Yang symbol. And the glow changes from yellow, to white.

And then it is over. The new contract has been formed and Toya is now officially my new, and last, Master.

I sway on my feet and then I fall. Toya once more catches me, but it is obvious that he too, is extremely tired.

"Bed" he mumbles, and supporting eachother, we once more get to our feet and I aid him back to what is his and Yukitos bed.

As I help him down on it, and then helplessly falls to my knees beside it, so weak I cannot even stand for a moment longer, he reaches out a hand and places it on my head.

"You need to sleep" he says, voice tired. "Are you going to switch with Yuki?". I shake beneath his touch. "I cannot" I then reply, weak and drained. "He is too fast asleep for me to wake him and I cannot switch… if he is not at least semi-conscious".

Again, this sensation of fear. He turns his head and looks at me. "Will he be alright?" he asks, and I nod but cannot gather strength to speak. He sighs, relieved.

"Then, come to bed with me. I don't want you sleeping on the floor, when there is more than enough room for you here. Beside me. That is what you need as well, isn't it? To be near me?".

I lift my head and again, I feel as though my heart skips a beat, but I am too tired to question his words. And so, I laboriously rise, make my wings disappear, and collapse on to the bed beside him.

As I feel his hand running through that of my hair which he can reach, I soon fall in to a deep sleep, though it is not something that I am usually capable of, when I am in my original form…


End file.
